Winning the Battle Against Leadership Loneliness

Emma was a leader I worked with for a little more than 2 years. She was the archetype of a high-performer. But, she never imagined that getting a promotion would leave her feeling so alone. 

She was the go-to expert, celebrated for her technical skills and camaraderie with her team. But she was promoted to a global role. She also became the leader of those people who had previously been her colleagues. Now, as a leader, her once-casual relationships with colleagues felt formal and guarded. Decisions that used to be collaborative became her responsibility. She wasn’t able to vent downward without undermining trust or upward without fearing judgment. 

Surrounded by people, she felt how a lot of leaders felt - alone.

If you’ve ever felt like Emma, you’re not alone. I know I have been there, staring at a room of people you feel like you can’t be real with. 

I’m pretty lucky - authenticity is something I’ve often been acknowledged for. I am who I am. At times this hasn’t necessarily been helpful but I’ve learned my way forward – but it doesn’t mean these moments of loneliness have gone away  completely. I’ve learned it’s part of leadership.

There is a lot you can do - but what you’re after is simple. Connection.

Leadership can often feel like a solitary climb, and research supports this. According to a study by the HBR, 61% of leaders report feeling lonely in their roles, and 70% of them believe this loneliness negatively impacts their performance. But while leadership loneliness is common, it doesn’t have to be inevitable. By taking intentional steps to embrace discomfort, foster psychological safety, and cultivate connection, you can create a leadership experience that is more fulfilling and can even be transformative.

Leadership is inherently challenging. The transition from individual contributor to leader in particular forces you to rethink things entirely. No longer measured by your output, your success depends on your ability to inspire, guide, and empower others. This is often when we see managers struggling to balance hands-on vs hands off. Not only is it hard to get the balance right, you also have to stop yourself from reaching down and grabbing work from your team. Work that makes you feel empowered because of its clear connection to outcomes and the relief that comes from doing something where you feel competent. 

When you haven’t learned how to frame work up well, facilitate a meeting or even manage a project better and learn new instincts its hard to trust your own judgment.

This shift can feel uncomfortable—like stepping onto shaky ground. And discomfort is exactly where the growth begins. As Dr. Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our most accurate measure of courage.” Admitting that leadership feels isolating doesn’t make you a weak leader—it makes you human.

So, what can you do to fight back? Start by cultivating authentic connections. Building a community of people who understand the unique pressures of leadership is essential. This might mean joining a mastermind group, seeking out a mentor, or connecting with other leaders in your organization. 

Research from Stanford University underscores the importance of peer support, showing that leaders who actively build networks report lower stress and higher resilience. Your leadership journey doesn’t have to be a solo expedition—find your tribe.

The easiest way to feel like someone has your back at work is to have someone else's. 

We have found that this is often the most beneficial part of some of our programs. Integrating peer learning gives people community. This is connected to better mental health and feeling less isolated but also learning, growth, and improving organizational outcomes - it's a massive win and all it takes is some thoughtful design and a shared purpose.

To that end, don’t overlook the resources within your organization. HR isn’t just about policies and compliance; they can be powerful allies in fostering leadership connection. Advocate for peer mentoring programs, leadership forums, or even informal opportunities for leaders to connect and share their experiences. Having a space to discuss challenges and celebrate wins can go a long way in alleviating loneliness.

Loneliness isn’t cured by becoming buddies with your team. That can actually makes things worse by making it harder when you have to make a tough call or hold people accountable. I’m not saying you can’t be friendly and authentic with your team.  You solve it by making connections with people who have similar struggles, can share experiences with you and where you can learn.

Feeling isolated is hard but don’t use your team to solve a problem that isn’t in their job description.

Of course, addressing leadership loneliness isn’t just about external connections—it’s also about taking care of yourself. Mental hygiene is the foundation of effective leadership. Start with the basics: sleep, boundaries, and reflection. Sleep, in particular, is a game-changer. (possibly my own Achilles heel) Research from the University of California, Berkeley, highlights how lack of sleep impairs decision-making, emotional regulation, and creativity—all critical components of effective leadership. Protect your rest like you protect your most important meetings.

Setting boundaries is equally essential. Leadership often blurs the lines between work and personal life, but you can’t be at your best if you’re always “on.” Whether it’s turning off notifications after a certain hour or carving out time for activities that recharge you, boundaries aren’t just about saying no to others—they’re about saying yes to yourself.

The best boundaries are the ones that you determine for yourself and manage internally. No need to announce them or make a big scene. Curate a life for yourself and build in boundaries you are willing to maintain for the long haul.

I used to drive home from work and change into “Dad mode” - now I walk out of my office right into it. So, I’ve started going for a walk to make the same transition so I can let go of one mode and show-up more fully in the other.

Beyond these personal practices, one of the most powerful tools in your leadership arsenal is authenticity. Authenticity isn’t about oversharing or baring every emotion; it’s about showing up in real-time reality as your whole self and creating a space where others can do the same. 

When you admit mistakes, ask for feedback, or share your own learning curve, you model vulnerability and build trust. This creates psychological safety—a shared belief that it’s safe to take interpersonal risks within the team. 

As Dr. Amy Edmondson’s research has shown, teams with high psychological safety perform better, innovate more, and recover more quickly from setbacks. The environment of belonging that’s created also helps with loneliness without trying to be buddies with people. 

If you’re leading leaders, your role is even more critical. You have the opportunity to model vulnerability and foster connection among your managers. Normalize conversations about the challenges of leadership, and create systems that encourage peer support. Leadership forums, mentorship, peer coaching, or even casual check-ins on how people are managing their role as a leader can help leaders feel less isolated and more equipped to navigate their roles. And don’t forget to champion well-being—your actions set the tone for the entire organization. When you prioritize sleep, boundaries, and authenticity, you give your leaders permission to do the same.

Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely. It requires courage—the courage to acknowledge it exists, to seek connection, and to lead with authenticity. The world needs leaders who don’t just survive the climb but thrive in the process, bringing others along with them. So, take a deep breath, let go of the myth of invincibility, and step into a more connected, authentic version of leadership. 

Referring back to Emma briefly - she was one of my favourite clients. Her biggest challenge was trust - she initially fell into the trap that a lot of high performers fall into - when they can’t get work done through others they take it on themselves. Once they hit their capacity they are stuck. She pushed herself out of her comfort zone - improving her skills to work through others and building her ability to trust. This helped - but what made the biggest difference was starting to have regular meetings with a couple of her colleagues at the same level - they became like a board of advisors.

As it turns out they were all looking for the same thing but too nervous to ask. 

A lot of the most challenging and rewarding experiences in my life have come through my role as a leader, and in each case what made it rewarding was the learning that was connected to it. The best and most important lesson has been to not do it alone.

It’s not about what you do, it 's about who you do it with.